I usually try not to offer advice, but I was asked to share some thoughts at a recent Bridal Shower and this is what I said. I, who had planned on remaining single for life, but now count 34 years of joyful togetherness and fun in marriage.
1. Don’t Nag!
It is very irritating and it achieves nothing. To be constantly asked to do something is like hearing a tap drip drip drip. All you want to do is turn it off. Proverbs 27:15
2. Listen!
Instead of passing by as ships in the night, take at least 10 minutes each day to sit down and talk without the kids if they are any. Train the kids not to interrupt. Try to listen more than talk. Listen actively and ask good questions. Not “How was your day?” but ask specifically, e.g. about a particular issue at work, something new they need to learn, or follow-up on something mentioned previously. James 1:19
3. Fight Fair
When there is conflict, you will be tempted to talk to your mum, friend, sister or brother. Don’t!
- Don‘t complain to ANYONE besides God. (except for abuse.)
- God can handle your complaints. Better still, He can handle you.
- Decide whether you will engage in “robust discussions” in front of the kids. If there is healthy disagreement, they might benefit by learning much, and will also see that their parents are far from perfect. They will learn how to confess, repent and be restored to God and the other person.
4. Keep Growing – Plan & Pray
If you are single, and a believer, you are already complete. You don’t need a spouse to meet your needs. God is the only One who can do that perfectly, even if you do get married.
As He makes you more like Him, you learn not to take but to give because that is His nature. He loves us so much that He gave and He continues to do so. John 3:16
As a single woman who wanted to keep growing more like Jesus, I took an annual weekend of Prayer & Planning, and my husband and I have continued doing this together. It is deliberate, focussed and directed, in the hope that we do not drift away, but continue to grow with Christ at the centre in all areas of our lives, whether social, mental, physical, ministry, family…
Ephesians 2:10
Finally, whatever advice you receive, whether solicited or not, filter that through the Word of God. Psalm 1
Photos by Jason Leung, Priscilla Du Preez
& Tim Wildsmith on Unsplash